Are You Aggressive Rather Than Assertive?
Submitted on Mar 3, 2005
Author: Peter Murphy
Interpersonal relationships are tricky and complicated, and
there is sometimes a power play by one party or the other.
This power is achieved by one's ability to speak clearly
and get the message across to the other person.
Dominance over the other person is often not the issue, and
you must recognize that there is a difference between being
aggressive and being assertive.
These pointers will help you determine whether you are
aggressive or assertive.
1. If you are a verbal bully who picks on anybody you come
in contact with, you're relaying a message that you are
aggressive, otherwise known as a control freak.
Aggressiveness is good in some instances (as in defending
yourself against physical abuse), but aggressive verbal
bullies are generally people who have no self-esteem who
try to bolster their ego by threatening others with their
manner of speech and body language.
The verbal bully generally finds a good target in a shy,
retiring person who is non-assertive and lacks
communications skills as well.
2. On the other hand, assertiveness is a desirable
characteristic, but it has to be done in the right way.
Assertiveness is the art of projecting yourself as someone
who is persistently positive and confident. If you allow
yourself to be bullied around, you are vulnerable and do
not have the ability to defend yourself.
If you are too unsure of yourself to speak up and defend
yourself or stand up for what is right, you need help from
the many self-help books giving communication skills tips
or a professional counselor who will educate you in the
basic skill of self-assertion.
This may involve changing some of your personal traits such
as being too passive, sensitive, and insecure.
3. One of the first steps in learning communication skills
is to study and practice communications skills tips that
are readily available on-line and in book stores.
You must have self-confidence and raise your level of
self-esteem to its highest level if you want to be
effective in the way you communicate with others.
Once you gain self-confidence, you will automatically begin
to communicate better. Small successes may lead to bigger
and better successes in every aspect of your life, thereby
increasing your self-confidence.
You should gain communications skills not only to get your
point across, but also to learn how to develop a support
group via the friendships you will form by using
communication skills tips.
A friend can help you through difficult social situations,
personal relationships, in your job or studies, and can
give you friendly advice and encouragement in the areas of
your appearance, on moral and ethical issues and even give
you tips on how to improve yourself so that your body
language communicates your self-confidence to others.
Some very basic communication skills tips that will help
you now are:
1. Offer positive input, support and suggestions to
co-workers and friends.
2. Ask friendly questions to get a conversation started,
but don't pry.
3. Offer support and enthusiasm to others by making
positive statements.
4. Realize that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you
may fail in your efforts to communicate with others - don't
take it personally.
Study communication skills tips to help you get on the
right track. The more ways to communicate you can think
of, the more successful you will be.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to
Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available
for a limited time only at:
http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
|